So Long...

While many people of Hong Kong descent are talking these days about the passing of Lydia Shum (Fei-Fei), I have a different eulogy to write…

This eulogy is written for one who did not even have a name, but he has been a family member for several years. It is written for a father, though he had never had the chance to see his sons and daughters grow up. It is written for a gracious king, though he never ruled any land. This eulogy is written for my angel fish, who died early this morning after a long battle with fin rot.

I have always loved angel fishes. They were elegant and gracious when I had them as a child. I had many of them while I was growing up in Hong Kong, and I continued to have them ever since I moved to Vancouver. But of all the angel fishes I had, this is a pretty special one. He was the only one that actually fathered several broods of babies. Together with mother angel fish, they patrolled the fish tank, and would chase away any wandering fish who got too close to the leaves to which their eggs were located (a case of external fertilization, people!). I also watched them move the eggs with their mouths from one leaf to another, in search of a leaf that is located at the best location in the tank.

He had survived many diseases in the tank. A scarred fin was the medal of honour he proudly wore for living through an epidemic that killed over half the lives of the tank… When one of his fellow angel died two weeks ago, I did not really have much concern for him – yes, he was sick, but he fed as excitedly as he had always been. I have long learned that as long as a fish still feeds normally, its overall health is all right.

But last week, his eating became laboured. The tail and fit rot worsened, and he began hiding at a corner, always a terrible sign. Last night, it was a struggle to watch him grasping for air, fighting for his last breath…

Thank you for the memories. Your surviving wife will undoubtedly feel lonely without you. Rest in peace.

You Have a Choice!

We had an interesting discussion today at "The Lunch Room" regarding student reaction when they feel they have been slighted.

One person shares his experience of being looked at in a disrespectful fashion. He said that his reaction is to say something sarcastic to shake the person off his back. And if the negative treatment continues, he will go and beat that person up.

Paul, the coordinator of the group, then asked a very thought-provoking question: what if the guy you beat up bring back five guys with sticks? "I play soccer, so I guess I can run pretty fast..." was the answer. In other words, this person would choose to flee the scene.

We went out of time, but I actually wanted to share about something that had happened to me:

A good friend of mine once started treating me very differently. He became cold, and when I tried to talk to him, I could tell he was dying to leave the conversation. Sometimes, he would even, knowingly or unknowingly, say something to me that was not nice, to say the least...

So naturally, I felt slighted. But interestingly, I chose to have a talk with this friend of mine. As it turned out, his cruel and cold reaction was because of an earlier incident where he felt betrayed by something I have said and done. It hurt him badly and damaged his faith in me as a friend, hence the distancing between him and me. When I realized that it was me who had wronged him in the first place, I apologized and explained to him what happened... and since then, we have been the best of friends.

You see, I had a choice. When I felt I was being slighted, I could have chosen to fight back. I could be even more mean to my friend to "punish" him for how he was treating me. But that would only reinforce the idea of me betraying his friendship. A good friendship that we had spent years building would be in ruins because of a simple misunderstanding, and who knows what else could have happened as our relationship becomes increasingly strained.

Bottom line is: you have a choice. You can choose to escalate a problem, or you can choose to face the problem, with the good will to resolve it.

What is your choice?

Hang in there!

In the many years I have been working, I have seen a lot of tears... People cry over different reasons, different people, different things... regardless of the reason, I'd say that I always have a soft spot for people when they cry.

Recently I have seen two incidents where those around me started crying: one where a student was attacked cowardly by four or five others, and one where a student's academic pressure was getting to her... The tears for the first student were not dropped because of pain; they were dropped due to the frustration that time after time, his family members were targets for these senseless, cruel acts (I witnessed one of his brothers being beaten before as well). For the second students, I don't think the tears were dropped because she got 95% instead of 97% on a test... it was because she was feeling helpless in an ultra-competitive academic world that places its focus on a number rather than learning and education...

To both I do not have an answer - I wish I can sit here from the comfort of my seat and tell you that everything is going to better tomorrow. The truth is, what lies ahead is anyone's guess. That said, I hope neither of you would live in a sense of hopelessness - our circumstances may not change, but somehow, we would prevail, with the help of those around us...

To you, I saw how your friend rushed back to the school after the incident, looking everywhere for you, fearing for your situation... You two may be always teasing one another, but in times of need, a friend always steps up.

To you, I saw how those around you are extending their hands to comfort you. They are going through the same frustration; their burdens are not necessarily lighter than yours... But the embrace, the listening ears... they all tell you the same strong and comforting message: you are never alone.

Hang in there!

Re-birth

No more "black shoulder's rants" (though I probably will still rant here and there) - this is just a place where I will post my thoughts...

Maybe this is more of an exercise for me than it is an interest to you... but, regardless of the reason why you are visiting today - welcome aboard!